Mini Katamari Damacy! (and continued self psycho-analyses)

I am a fan.

Of the two playstation games anyway. A friend emailed me this link today and I had to share it because it is one of the few video games that I actually have guiltless fun playing. This computer version is nice but I think people would only find it fun if they have had experience with the originals.

And I can't help but digress:

The more concious and self-aware I try to become I find it hard to simply enjoy myself and my surroundings. I am constantly evaluating if my interests are socially constructed or a true manifestation of my person.

So many videogames perpetuate social stereotypes (most videogames are uber-masculinized). Don't get me wrong I love sci-fi (how could I not, with all the Donna Harraway "Cyborg" references) but even the video games that feature female characters depict women in the position of power for the pleasure of the patriarchy. I have in the past enjoyed playing Counterstrike, but I have always felt that in doing so I was traveling into an exclusive and socially-gendered Man territory which I do not respect. I think I more felt that in participating I became a female acceptable as an equal to men. A right that should be inherent, not something that I should have to prove through participation in a violent and non-progressive ritual.

BUT, if even "fun" is a diversion to change for the better then what do I have left?

I have a feeling that this notion will change as I get older and become more a part of a non-patriarchal community, but it will take some time to get used to the idea that I deserve to enjoy myself. To this point, I believe that my way of coping with living within a patriarchal society which I could feel to my core was wrong (but not being concious of the reasons) was to become reclusive. I am most comfortable with myself and my very close social network, I do not trust people (as a means of self protection learned from an abusive and unstable childhood). I would like to change but when out in the world, everyday I am reminded as to why I continue to protect myself.