wow.

I have one word for all of you...

Orlando.

How this one missed me until now I don't know, but it arrived not a moment too soon.


(I plan on reading the book asap.)

Googlebomb!

So, I am a bit behind on my blog reading so somehow I missed the googlebomb phenomenon over at Bitch | Lab.

I have been eagerly awaiting any feminist activity since the South Dakota crap surfaced (I know I'm lame for just waiting and not doing anything myself) and I am plenty excited about it all.

Down with the sexist asshat(s)!

You don't believe me? Watch the video highlighting Senator Bill Napoli as one of the worst people on the planet.

Bitch | Lab has become the newest addition to PAY ATTENTION!. Cheers to your coordination effort.

Blog Against Sexism Day: We are damaged by dualism.

There are so many issues that could be discussed and need to be discussed pertaining to sexism but what really comes to mind for me right now is my own struggle to analyze and understand society's heteronormative, patriarchal indoctrination imposed on us humans to be one or other (eg. girl/boy, man/woman, homo/hetero, natural/unnatural, masculine/feminine, not white/white). This idea can easily be expanded into Donna Harraway's discussions on Dualism in the "Cyborg Manifesto" which also addresses other important dualisms like mind/body, reality/appearance, whole/part, truth/illusion. In fact, in the most succinct sentence in the entire work she easily reveals why dualisms are damaging and incomplete representations: "One is too few, but two are too many." ("To be One is to be autonomous, to be powerful, to be God; but to be One is to an illusion and so to be involved in a dialectic of apocalypse with the other. Yet to be other is to be multiple, without clear boundary, frayed, insubstantial.")

These divisions reveal spaces which cannot be filled and create desires which can never be experienced/fulfilled. Why would we choose to create a world/society in which it is nearly impossible to be whole?

I feel that this construction is the very root of sexism (and most if not all other social problems). Until we can find a way to stop alienating the parts of ourselves which do not fit within these enslaving dualisms we cannot expect us as individuals to stop fearing the other in whatever form it manifests itself.


I'll use myself as an example to represent just how damaging a dualistic socialization can be:

Within the last six months I realized that I am very afraid of my "masculinity" as a female (discovering this is helping me realize that I have been socialized to believe that intelligence is a male asset hence masculine).

I am very curious about how I internalized this because I grew up in a rather liberal (however, EXTREMELY emotionally abusive) household.

I never felt I had to mask my intelligence growing up but I am now coming to understand that subconsciously I was performing my femininity... and my displays of intelligence were just to appear safely smart, non-threatening to my other male and female colleagues. I was not self-aware. I lived fearing that I was not feminine enough, praising my feminine thoughts/acts and condemning my masculine ones. The more I came to self-awareness, I started to realize that I equate my independent thoughts as masculine because it is very difficult for me to comprehend a world where women are capable/allowed to think independently (especially if they choose not to constantly strive to attain this deranged beauty ideal which requires constant, neverending maintenance and self-scrutiny) .

I know this is Wrong. I am slowly (very slowly) changing my perceptions about how I am allowed to see myself as a "woman". Honestly, the more I see that word the more I want to kill it. I feel like I can never live up to it (and I shame myself because of my feelings of inadequacy) but WHY do I even want to? The 'female ideal' was created by a patriarchy which does not embrace me as a whole person. I am damaged by society's attempts to avoid being whole, by "Man's" fears and denial of their own femininity. The masculine/feminine dualism is so dangerous because it requires us to kill/repress/deny parts of ourselves, to think we are bad/wrong and to make us feel shamed and shame others.


All quotes are from Donna Harraway's "A Cyborg Manifesto", the text is available online for free. If you haven't read it, I cannot recommend it enough.

Busi-ness.

I have been very busy the last few days but I have to mention some of the highlights of my recent 'shennanigans':

I saw (okay ogled) Angela Davis at the art opening I worked at on Friday night. Amazing.

I turned 24 years old on Saturday. I am a baby and I am as old as sin.

I made some decisions about where my work is going at SFAI and I feel a little more relaxed. I have been STRESSING out. (More on this later when I force myself.)

Also, Judith Butler's "Gender Trouble" is fantastic.


p.s. I am eagerly awaiting my reusable laptop lunchbox in the mail. Where are you?

Sign up for Blog Against Sexism Day

Blog Against Sexism Day is March 8th.

You can sign up at vegankid to participate.

And you should.

Mini Katamari Damacy! (and continued self psycho-analyses)

I am a fan.

Of the two playstation games anyway. A friend emailed me this link today and I had to share it because it is one of the few video games that I actually have guiltless fun playing. This computer version is nice but I think people would only find it fun if they have had experience with the originals.

And I can't help but digress:

The more concious and self-aware I try to become I find it hard to simply enjoy myself and my surroundings. I am constantly evaluating if my interests are socially constructed or a true manifestation of my person.

So many videogames perpetuate social stereotypes (most videogames are uber-masculinized). Don't get me wrong I love sci-fi (how could I not, with all the Donna Harraway "Cyborg" references) but even the video games that feature female characters depict women in the position of power for the pleasure of the patriarchy. I have in the past enjoyed playing Counterstrike, but I have always felt that in doing so I was traveling into an exclusive and socially-gendered Man territory which I do not respect. I think I more felt that in participating I became a female acceptable as an equal to men. A right that should be inherent, not something that I should have to prove through participation in a violent and non-progressive ritual.

BUT, if even "fun" is a diversion to change for the better then what do I have left?

I have a feeling that this notion will change as I get older and become more a part of a non-patriarchal community, but it will take some time to get used to the idea that I deserve to enjoy myself. To this point, I believe that my way of coping with living within a patriarchal society which I could feel to my core was wrong (but not being concious of the reasons) was to become reclusive. I am most comfortable with myself and my very close social network, I do not trust people (as a means of self protection learned from an abusive and unstable childhood). I would like to change but when out in the world, everyday I am reminded as to why I continue to protect myself.

This is MY house. If you can't play nice, go play somewhere else.

The conclusion to my last post about a cowardly anonymous comment left in a very random part of my blog.

Anonymous: "What exactly doesn't make sense about it?"

Me: "First off, I am going to assume that you are the same 'anonymous' who posted last time, but I can't know that because you refuse to name yourself.

Second, I want to say that I think it is ridiculous that you are bringing this cryptic crap here instead of posting where I made my original comment. But I guess you probably figured out that Feministe wouldn't have published your sick comment, so you decided to annoy me instead. Honestly, I have no idea why I am allowing myself to entertain you by answering your question (other than that you have REALLY offended me by coming to my home and bringing this crap with you and it is my right to tell you that).

So..."What exactly doesn't make sense?" you ask?

(To clarify for anyone who might be reading this, your original comment is based on your offensive and disgusting idea that "the resistance" I spoke of is no where to be found because they have all been aborted and tossed into a garbage somewhere. Am I wrong?)

If this is the case, you don't make sense because you are a contradiction. It is painfully obvious that you are Anti-Choice. If you are Anti-Choice then you don't value a resistance which supports a woman's right to choose what happens to her body. If you don't value a feminist resistance then why are you bothering to tell me that its "in the bottom of a dumpster somewhere" unless your only goal is to be inflamatory. Instead, you value a world where women are docile and subservient. Your attempt to imply that women are responsible for being treated like second class citizens is appalling. We need to be radical and resistant because people like you want to take away our right to autonomy."


The egalitarian part of me assumed that my blog could be a place free of harrassment. I now see that is not a reality. If you comment in my blog and I feel that what you have said has no value (however, I have a broad spectrum of understanding for validity), I will censor you. I will protect myself.