"ART"

I am terrified of articulating myself...I am even more afraid that I might not ever have anything interesting enough to articulate. I am so afraid of talking, sometimes it brings me to literal tears. Mistakes rolling off my tongue.

I dance around this every day in class. I feel as though I am always trying to compete with other scholarly folks, attempting to belong. But in the attempt I usually feel like I am alienating myself. I don't want to be inaccessibly cerebral, in fact I don't think its in me to be so. I can't compete and I wish I didn't want to.

I started making art because I wanted to counteract the rigidness and technicality I saw in photography as a medium...I finally get to a real art school and I see now that I preach to a choir, the art school choir. There is nothing left to say there. Now I'm at art school and art is not what I thought it was, its better, it can be even better...but can I articulate what I truly want to express? Do I even know what that is?

I desperately want to communicate but my ideas feel either too abstract or too personal. I find solice in repetition and seriality. My artwork is coming to be about me...myself...this struggle to communicate. My "internal world" is being revealed for others. Its the only thing I know for sure.